Q & As from Mens Fitness:
Q1: Hi Flirt Diva, I¹m thinking of going speed dating. What¹s a great opening gambit?
A1:I’m big on avoiding the dreaded ‘work’ question at any cost. So, look at the social context and open instead with the stuff you already have in common. For example: it’s summer – that means holidays; it’s the weekend – that means highlights; what about the area you’re in – is it worthy of note – are there other cool places in the neighbourhood to go check out afterwards? What about the venue, what makes it special? Good music, great cocktails, do they do Happy-Hour or great food? Research the place beforehand and use these social elements to find the common ground.
Q2: I have a really hairy back and it¹s never really bothered me, but I¹ve just started seeing someone and I¹m worried she¹ll hate it. Should I wax it?
A2:Rather than assume she’s going to hate it, why not tell the lady in question – before she ahem, encounters it in real life. Who knows, she may not be as put off as you think. There’s a danger in getting it waxed without mentioning it - as soon as it starts to grow back, you’ll be rumbled anyway and it may seem even more awkward than if you just ‘fess up now. There’s nothing that wrong with having a hairy back – it’s just testosterone at the end of the day. No need to be ashamed. It’s not like you’ve got 3 penises.
Q3:I'm just started seeing this girl but she texts and calls me all the time. I really like her but it's putting me off. How can I tell her to back off?
A3:Good question. She needs to know, and the sooner the better. How about this: explain to her while you really like her, things are simply moving too fast. Let her know that having not played this game for a while, you’re slightly out of your comfort zone. Tell her you simply want to look forward to your face to face time without too much telecommunication in-between.
Q4:Does the adage 'treat them mean, keep them keen¹ still hold weight? What
are girls today looking for in a man?
A4:Look, human psychology determines that everyone wants what they can’t have – so the less accessible someone is – the more attractive it makes them. It’s just the way it is. For some reason too much of a good thing can always be, well too much of a good thing. But do keep in mind, if you’re frantically playing a game or hard to get, and you’re constantly unavailable or just too busy – we may get fed up and find someone who is more accommodating.
Q5: What's the deal with multiple orgasms, and how can I give my girl one?
A5:Before you get too carried away with multiple orgasms, you might want to look at your track record of giving your girl single orgasms. Orgasms can be a dirty word for women who aren’t informed and experienced about what works for them – and what works for them doesn’t necessarily work for everyone – but to give you a guide, you know the song Laid by James: ‘she only comes when she’s on top…’ well let’s just say, for many women – this is where it’s at. Once you’ve established that you are indeed the master of the singular orgasm, you may want to ask your lady how she would like to approach this hattrick – she may have some secets you don’t know about, so why not make it an interactive session- tell her of your quest to blow her mind by orgasm and take it from there!
Q6:I like a girl who acts like she likes me and we’ve got loads in common, like hiking and camping, but every time I suggest doing something like trek off for a weekend, she shuns me. What am I doing wrong?
A. You can slow down for starters!! Like how about you have a coffee before you invite her away for the weekend! There is such a thing as easing into it – and I daresay your crush would be a bit taken aback by the idea of a dirty weekend as your first date! You may think it’s sharing interests while she thinks it might be nice to have a get-to-know-you chat over a drink or a coffee first!
Q7: Dear Flirt Diva, I had a date a week ago with a woman who I thought was great. The chemistry was there, we were sparking off each other, but when I texted her to ask for a second date, she blew me off – what could I have done differently?
A7: Perhaps you could have rung her – it’s always harder to say ‘no’ to a human voice than it is to a text. But never mind, it’s a simple case of persistence – by which I don’t mean stalking! It’s perfectly reasonable to go in for a second round – why not? She doesn’t bite does she? You may have simply caught her at a tricky time and she was genuinely to busy to see you. Don’t be put off and don’t lose your nerve. Give her a couple of days and get on the blower; use your most confident voice, and suggest an outing to someplace that you know for certain, that she’s just going to love! Good luck with it!
Q8: Dear Flirt Diva, I recently bumped into a mate’s ex. I’d always fancied her and I had an inkling she liked me. We ended up having a drink and before I knew it, one thing had led to another. I felt horrible afterwards and she left pretty quickly, so I think she was weirded out as well. What happens now, do I tell my mate?
A8: Hmm tricky situation, because let’s face it, no matter why they broke up, or who broke it off – no-one likes their mate ‘going there’ afterwards. Let’s look at the first possible outcome: if you opt not to tell your mate, he’s likely to find out anyway . You’ve got to consider the possibility that it may have well been a ‘revenge shag’ – if so, the ex will no doubt gloat about it, in which case your mate will be mighty down on you for not telling him.
On the other hand, if you do tell him, you’ve got to be big enough to cop it on the chin. You saw the opportunity, you went for it. End of. Presumably you weren’t thinking about your mates feelings at the time, so now it’s time to face the music.
Q9: This is my problem.... I've just started dating this girl from New York, who I really like. I'm not sure if it’s a cultural thing but she’s still dating other guys too. It makes me really jealous to think of her sleeping with other people. I want to talk to her about it, but I'm really scared that I'll push her away.
A9: Let me begin by saying that it’s great to see that you’re aware of the gaping differences between New York dating culture and our own – two very different kettles of fish! Further more, I’m not surprised you feel jealous with what your New York girl is doing – but keep in mind that as far as she’s concerned, it ‘s just the done thing.
I am surprised that you jumped to the conclusion that she’s sleeping with other people – do you know this for a fact? Or is your imagination working overtime? I do think you’re well within your right to raise the issue, but perhaps instead of coming across all heavy about it, why not try a softly, softly approach – and use the cultural point of view to kick-start it.
You could try telling her that you’re intrigued about how it all works in New York because it’s not the norm here – it’s one way of testing the waters subtly, without actually coming right out and saying you’re jealous about her seeing other people, because if she is used to multi-dating – then yes, you are right to assume that you could push her away.
My advice would also be to push yourself to see other women – that way your feelings towards her will have less intensity and you’ll be able to adopt a more light hearted approach about it.
Q10: Is it every acceptable to chat up a girl in the gym?
A10:Yes! Some girls' appreciate it - expect it even. And some don't. It's your job to tread lightly and judge for yourself. A good starting point is simply to strike up a conversation about the gym itself. Start with a positive, talk about the obvious - and read her signals to see if she welcomes the interruption - or she is deadly serious about her workout and goes to the gym to relax. In which case, nothing lost nothing gained, but don't push it if it's clear that she won't welcome a repeat effort.
Q11: Which muscles do women really like the most?
A11:Body type preference is such a personal thing, in the same way that you're a 'boob' or a 'bum' man, she too has her preferred bodyparts - maybe it's the abs, the butt, or maybe she's looking for 'builder's biceps' or she could find them the ultimate turn-off. For some women it's a muscular forearm or toned calves. The best bet is to empahsise your favourite body parts and find out that way.
Q12: My girlfriend and me are very competitive ¬ is competition in a relationship a good or bad thing?
A12:Competitiveness in relationships end in tears. Always. The question you need to ask yourself is why you're competitive rather than supportive and vice-versa. It's not healthy. Competitiveness in frienships seems to work OK, that's because we don't spend as much time with our friends and the implications are all different -plus we don't have sex with them - that changes everything. Friendly rivalry is any situation is fine but if the two of you are competitive now, think forward to how it's going to be down the track if one of you comes unstuck. Will the other be supportive, caring, loving and all the other basic components that relationships are built on? Better to take a good, hard look at the situation now and see what the cause is. Find out more about issues that are bubbling beneath the surface that need to be addressed and address them.