Situational Openers at the Bar
Guest blogger Milton from the London School of Attraction (LSA) shares some of his best bar openers:
Seeing an attractive girl at the other side of the bar offers a moment of exhilaration followed by a slow tortuous descent into self-loathing. She has long auburn hair, a winning smile and a great dress sense. You’d love to find out about her, talk to her and flirt with her. But you have a problem: there are five metres separating you. It feels like a chasm, and if you’re not going to approach her it might as well be the Grand Canyon. What do you say? How do you say something cool? How do you get her into a conversation?
It is much easier than you think to start an interesting conversation with her! An incredibly effective strategy is to use the environment around you: you could talk about the bar you’re in, the cocktails on offer, what she’s wearing, what you’re wearing, what the strange picture behind the bar is…
The best conversation-starters seem spontaneous, so position yourself so you don’t need to stride across the room. Approaching her at the bar, or while standing in a group next to her, work better than a heart attack-inducing twenty metre approach walk of death. Here are some of the things you could say:
- What do you think is the best cocktail here?
- My friends and I are looking or somewhere cool to go after this. Can you recommend somewhere?
- I really like your belt, is it made from kangaroo leather?
- Bet I can get served before you!
- Hey you’re not pushing in are you?
These are very simple and low pressure ways to start a conversation. She is almost certain to engage with you and this means you have an opening, an opportunity. Whether you succeed or fail in engaging her in a vibrant and interesting conversation will depend on how you play the next part of the conversation. Most guys make too big a deal out of the start- but the game isn’t over when you say hello. It’s only just beginning!
You could write a book on what happens next, but just following a few principles will give you an edge over most guys.
Most guys bombard a girl with questions because they have read somewhere that girls like to talk about themselves. The problem is that asking lots of questions doesn’t work early in the interaction. Instead you need to carry the conversation- if you’ve approached her you should be doing 80% of the talking in the first five minutes. This shows you have the confidence to carry a conversation, that you have something to say for yourself and that you aren’t intimidated by her.
Secondly, talk about thoughts, feelings and emotions. Most guys talk about facts and experience, which will only bore a girl and fail to capture her attention. Instead of saying you went on holiday to Italy last summer and liked the lakes, say that getting up really early and sailing on the lake made you feel alive. Instead of saying that you like jazz music, say that jazz makes you think about prohibition in America and how doing dangerous things makes life exciting.